I have been doing CrossFit for about 7 months now. The results have amazed me in regards to what I have been able to accomplish. At the same time, I am underwhelmed at my progress in terms of what my body looks like. I am NOT a poster candidate. In fact, I doubt that the average person wh ohas not seen me for several months would notice any diference.
A regular runner (ok, jogger) previous to CrossFit, I had a lot to gain in the way of muscle but wasn't all that overweight. I was hoping to shed 15-20 pounds through the CrossFit experience and was sure - 100% confident in fact - that by June I would be happy with my image in a bikini.
Not so much. I am addicted to CrossFit and the gains in strength, stability, personal endurance and accomplishment. All of that is impressive to me. But the outside is not matching the inside.
I've struggled with my weight and body issues for most of my life. These struggles have ranged from fad diets to eating disorders to the most recent dawning of acceptance for this form that moves me from A to B. But I am not happy with the way it looks. I thought CrossFit would fix that.
In some ways it has: I no longer weigh myself on a daily basis, preferring to see the "averages" over a month or so time; I relish the muscles when they make an appearance. But I have to admit that some of the reason why I don't weigh myself daily might have been an abject acceptance and denial of that lack of change on the scale.
I know all those CrossFit elitists are screaming, "weight is just a number and meaningless." Right. It is just a number, but like all the other numbers we so meticulously measure in CF (times, AMRAPS, PRs) it does have some meaning. Of much more importance is the fact that I just plain don't like the way I look yet and feel like this has been a lot of work already.
My husband tells me he can see a legitimate difference. A fellow CFer, balancing our lives to enable each of us to attend CF for an hour 3 times per week has been hard at time. But we both realize the benefits of CF and are committed to making it work.
Is is the limit of 3 times per week that has me stalled? Others on the same schedule around me are seeing dramatic results so i don't think that is all of it.
I think a bulk of the answer lies in my diet. If you asked me on the street if I am a healthy eater I would tell you yes. But closer inspection of what I am actually putting in my mouth tells me otherwise. This past weekend was a gluttonous self-indulgence ending with a peanut butter and potato chip binge at midnight and way too many glasses of wine. I feel like shit the next morning and realize this is not a new feeling.
I wonder if my rubberband of self discipline that used to keep my urges in check somehow stretched out from my personal back-patting for tough workouts. I can have a couple cookies, after all, I had a killer workout today. But those couple would turn into 6 and the "rare" became norm. And the alcohol makes those bad decisions all the easier to make.
So, to reach the next level, I need to take the next step. Stop lying to myself and others that my food choices are fine and start getting real. I went to the store this morning and stocked up on veggies and lean meats. I am not clear exactly what Paleo Diet is all about but I intend to learn more. I tried being in the Zone but found it really complicated to follow and limiting in choices.
My goal for the next 30 days is to commit to healthy eating based mostly on Paleo. For me, this will mean a serious reduction in sugars, packaged foods, alcohol, etc. I am going to track how I do each day so that I can realisitically understand how/when things happen.
